Forgiveness: Part II

Forgiveness is a Choice Not a Feeling

When I first heard/learned this concept, it felt as though a weight was lifted off my heart.  For years I had thought you must "feel" forgiveness for it to be sincere but this is a false concept.  You can make a conscious decision to forgive someone despite how you feel about the circumstance or person.

I have experienced different circumstances where choosing forgiveness was difficult, and my prayer to God was this "Lord, even if I never "feel" it, I will continue to choose to forgive                               ."   I intentionally made this choice in order to gain freedom in my life; so that the "offender" wouldn't have control over my emotions.
As encouragement ~ I have prayed this prayer and the "feeling of forgiveness" came later, the feeling of forgiveness doesn't always mean that a person is welcome back into your life, but you will feel a refreshing "freedom".  

Bitterness; Like a Hot Coal or Poison

Sometime over the last ten years, I have heard two different metaphors which directly relate to Forgiveness:

1.  Bitterness is like a Hot Coal which you hold in your hand with the intention of throwing it at someone else, however You are the only one to get Burned.

2.  Bitterness is like Poison You Drink, with the hope that it will hurt the "other" person.

These two metaphors have the same basic underlying theme; Unforgiveness leads to Bitterness which leads to the deterioration ~ Spiritually, Socially, Emotionally, Psychologically and Physically.

Forgiveness Protects your Heart 

Forgiveness is a protective measure to keep you from growing embittered and cold.  Bitterness closes people off from forming new healthy relationships.

Second Chances?

The choice to give a person a second chance should be considered on a "case by case" basis because no two people are alike (we are all beautifully unique) and as a result, situations and circumstances may be similar in ways but no two are exactly alike.  There are times in life where a person whom you choose to bestow forgiveness to, may deserve a second chance to be part of your life, while in other cases you can choose to forgive while not allowing a toxic person back into your life.

My personal approach is to turn to the Lord in Prayer for guidance and wisdom and I will talk to a trusted, wise person from my life (one example is my wonderful husband Aaron).  The advice of a person you trust can help in matters that are unclear or hazy from your personal emotional filter.

It is important to remember that well-meaning people can sometimes give misinformed or immature advice, so listen carefully and "Think About It."    

Clearly, if you were victimized by someone you should put your physical, psychological and spiritual health First.

Forgiving People who are gone...

Sometimes people hold unforgiveness for people who have passed on, these are areas that are just as important to deal with as any other area of forgiveness.  Even if a person is gone, holding on to the hurt, anger from a wrong you experienced, can still hold you back and make you sick.  This is why I urge anyone reading this to take this seriously because you will win back your life when you step out of your comfort zone and Forgive!  

You will Gain a Higher Quality of Life when you make the Choice to Forgive

*Forgiving Yourself:  I speak about this in my preceding post on Forgiveness.

As Always, I write this with love and the hope of sharing tools so we all can become our best selves ~
God Bless and Peace be with you...

To those reading this, I may not know you personally but I sincerely care and it is this which inspires and motivates my blog.

** Please comment under this posting, I would love to hear from others, together ~ people are stronger than in their individual parts.  **

Forgiveness

For my first blog I wanted to touch on a subject which impacts all people at some point in their lives.

Whether you are on the receiving or giving end; Forgiveness can have a huge impact on your life.

Forgiveness is not about the one or ones whom we are giving the forgiveness to, it is not about whether the person was right, wrong or indifferent, it is about your own heart.

Unforgiveness is something that can hold people back, hinder relationships, lives and cause stress on the body which can lead to disease ("Deadly Emotions" by Dr. Don Colbert & "A More Excellent Way" by Henry Wright).

Forgiving Yourself; My personal story about forgiving myself

When I was one month shy of turning 16, my sister Abby was heading out to spend time with a few of her friends.  I got a sudden urge to warn her not to go...ran to the door and told her I loved her as I wrapped my arms around her...however I didn't tell her not to leave that night, and a few hours later while washing dishes - I witnessed two ambulances flying down the road, sirens blaring...I prayed for the families who would be impacted by whatever those ambulances represented...not knowing it was my own family I was saying the prayer for...My sister died that night, in a car collision.

For 10 years I carried the guilt and unforgiveness with me, like a heavy load weighing me down, silently pulling on the fabric of my soul and spirit.  I felt responsible...

I was listening to "Deadly Emotions" on tape while driving in my car (in the Fall of 2007), and I cannot remember the exact moment but Dr. Colbert spoke of those who carried unforgiveness toward themselves and the necessity of forgiving oneself.  I began to sob, a gut wrenching, hard to breath cry...  I began to pray in that moment, first I called out "I'm Sorry! I'm So Sorry!"  "Abby I am sorry"  and in that moment the Lord put it on my heart to speak out to myself - "I forgive myself!" I cannot recall just how many times I screamed those words out, driving in the dark, alone in my car - but as I faced the pain that I had carried for so long, a weight was lifted, and I felt the peace of God touch my heart.

I noticed that other relationships in my life (including the relationship with myself) changed for the better and I truly felt the positive impact of Forgiveness.

An important distinction

Forgiveness is important however it doesn't mean you must allow an abuser back into your life, be that a friend or intimate partner:  This is important because while you can forgive someone for doing something wrong - it doesn't give that person a "right" back into your life.  Rather forgiving others removes invisible chains that can cause sickness and disease - Mentally, Spiritually and Physically.

I plan to add more later, but for now I will sign off with blessings to you, I started this blog because I care and I hope that someone out there finds this liberating (as I did).

Blessings and Peace be with you